What Should I Expect From a Pastor, and Should I Let One Lead Me?
A pastor is called to shepherd: to protect, guide, and provide for the people God has given them. And yes, a healthy pastor is a gift. Let them pastor you.
A pastor is called to shepherd: to protect, guide, and provide for the people God has given them. And yes, a healthy pastor is a gift. Let them pastor you.
You may have been hurt by a leader in the past, and just reading that might be triggering. That hurt is real, and I'm sorry. A bad leader can make you want to never trust another one. But God's design for His church still includes shepherds, and a good one can help you more than you know.
What the Bible says
1. The role of a pastor. "Shepherd the flock of God that is among you" (1 Peter 5:2 ESV). A shepherd was a protector-leader responsible for the survival of the flock:
Protection from dangerous beliefs and dangerous people.
Direction toward food (God's word), water (God's presence), rest (from the pace of culture), and safety (from the sin that leads to death).
Provision so the flock isn't hungry or thirsty.
Keeping the flock together. Sheep scatter easily.
2. The heart of a pastor. Peter tells pastors to lead "not under compulsion, but willingly… not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock" (1 Peter 5:2–3 ESV). Not forced into it, not greedy, not controlling. The moment you demand respect is the same moment you lose it. Leaders do first what they expect everyone to do next.
3. Allow your pastor to pastor you. "Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders" (1 Peter 5:5 ESV). He's basically saying, be easy to lead. Christianity is not an independent religion. It's interdependent. Hebrews says the same thing: "Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls… Let them do this with joy and not with groaning" (Hebrews 13:17 ESV).
4. A pastor can see a little ahead. On a family trip, we went through a timed maze. We figured out quickly that if I stayed up in a tower and directed my family below, we moved much faster. Because I had a higher vantage point, I could tell them where to go. A pastor walks with people through a lot of similar situations. They're not God and not perfect, but a good pastor can see a little ahead and help you in your marriage, your parenting, and your faith.
You might be thinking…
"What if my pastor is controlling or abusive?" That's not biblical leadership. Peter specifically says not to domineer. Submitting to a pastor never means following them into sin or staying somewhere unsafe. Talk to another trusted leader, and if needed, find a healthy church.
"Does this mean I have to agree with everything?" No. It's not some weird authoritarian thing where you obey without context. You can ask questions and disagree respectfully. But your disposition should be, "OK, let's do it!"
Next step
If you've made a church your home, take the next step your pastor has asked people to take, whether that's a class, a group or a team. And pray for your pastor by name this week.
Related questions
1 Peter 5:1–5; Hebrews 13:7, 17; Acts 20:28; Ephesians 4:11–12; John 10:11