Is It Unmanly to Show Emotion?
No. Jesus is the strongest man who ever lived, and He wept, felt compassion, got angry and asked for help. Real strength isn't the absence of emotion. It's emotion under God's control.
No. Jesus is the strongest man who ever lived, and He wept, felt compassion, got angry and asked for help. Real strength isn't the absence of emotion. It's emotion under God's control.
A lot of us grew up hearing "men don't cry" or "suck it up." If you've stuffed your feelings for years, you're not alone, and it's not too late to learn a better way.
What the Bible says
What masculinity is not. One lie says men aggressively dominate: I must run over others and take charge, and I can never admit fault or mistakes. And if I'm supposed to dominate, then I can't show weakness or emotion. Emotions are for women. Men don't cry or have feelings.
But look at Jesus: "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest… for I am gentle and lowly in heart" (Matthew 11:28–29 ESV). The emotions of Jesus:
Compassion (Matthew 9:36; Mark 1:41)
Sorrow and weeping (John 11:35; Luke 19:41; Matthew 26:37)
Anger (Mark 3:5; John 2:15)
Love (Mark 10:21; John 13:1)
Distress or fear (Matthew 26:39; John 12:27)
Physical weakness: He got tired, thirsty and needed rest (John 4:6; 19:28)
Another lie: men are independent and can't ask for help. Jesus only did what He saw the Father do (John 5:19). In the garden, He prayed for strength and asked His friends to pray with Him (Matthew 26:36–44). And the first thing God ever said wasn't good was that it wasn't good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18).
You might be thinking…
"If I show emotion, people won't respect me." The men people respect most are usually the ones who are strong and safe. Jesus flipped tables and held children. You can be both.
"Doesn't that mean I should just follow my feelings?" No. Feelings are real, but they make a terrible steering wheel. The goal isn't to be ruled by emotion or to bury it. It's to bring it to God and let Him lead you through it.
Next step
Name one emotion you've been stuffing. Tell God about it honestly, then tell one man you trust. If it's heavy, like anger that won't go away or a sadness you can't shake, talk to a pastor or counselor. That's not weakness. That's courage.
Related questions
Matthew 11:28–30; 9:36; Mark 1:41; John 11:35; Luke 19:41; Matthew 26:36–44; Mark 3:5; John 2:15; Mark 10:21; John 13:1; John 12:27; John 4:6; 19:28; John 5:19; Genesis 2:18